Still Not a Player

Wow… just wow… this is the worst Price is Right player ever.

Fellowship of the Nerd

Wow, Vin Diesel is a nerd.

Training Day

As of today I am off to St. Jean. I have been preping for this for the last year so I should be ready to go. My posts are definitely going to die down but I will still try and have a new post when I can. Here is a basic overview of my next eight weeks.

• Week 1: Administration In Week
• Week 2: Leadership and Physical Training
• Week 3: Gas
• Week 4: Leadership
• Week 5: Pre-Vimmy (week in the field), Rappelling
• Week 6: Vimmy (exercise in the week where we get six hours of sleep over five days).
• Week 7: Grad Week
• Week 8: New York City and home.

After that it will be time for me to go back to rez and go back to studying and rowing.

News

Well as I am getting ready to go off to St. Jean it is time for another post regarding my favourite subjects, people with uneducated opinions, the news and people writing into the news with uneducated opinions.

Lately I have noticed that the main articles in the provinces are all pro-green articles. Since when is “drinking from a water bottle not good for the environment” a more important news piece than say the events that are happening in Zimbabwe.

Or why is it that I have to read, every day for the last two weeks, about this climate action dividend and the new carbon tax? Yes I know the tax is stupid. Yes I know it is not needed nor is it going to help. And no I won’t spend that dividend on something to help the earth going green. I already spent it on my train ticket to New York.

All this going green shiat is bull anyways, the earth has always been going through a natural trends of warming and cooling. But that is not the point of this post.

Or what about this new law where the police can charge those who are high with driving under the influence. I totally agree with this law and it makes sense. Yet according to the well educated people who write into the province, this law is “unconstitutional”, “not going to be able to charge people with it” and “breaching charter rights”.

To sum it up, after today’s paper I won’t have to read the province again for a long time, Left-winged political activists make me angry, and most people are idiots.

Shinobi vs. Dragon Ninja

“BARNEGAT, N.J. – It’s the case of the nonexistent ninja. Public schools in Barnegat were locked down briefly after someone reported seeing a ninja running through the woods behind an elementary school.

Turns out the ninja was actually a camp counselor dressed in black karate garb and carrying a plastic sword.

Police tell the Asbury Park Press the man was late to a costume-themed day at a nearby middle school.

The lockdown began shortly after 9 a.m. Wednesday and lasted until 9:30.”

From: http://www.phillyburbs.com/pb-dyn/news/104-06252008-1554393.html

The Party Song

Internet Party: When Google’s Parents Go Out of Town.

Memories Are Made of This

http://gizmodo.com/5018990/lego-secret-vault-contains-all-sets-in-history

In this link you will find a video of the Lego vault in which they have every set ever made, unopened in original packaging.

I now have two more goals to accomplish in my life:

1. Rob that vault
2. If not able to rob it, at least visit it.

Der Fuhrer’s Face

If only they knew…

Cut the Curtains

From http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/274495936.html:

“I’ll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her – as I was to find out – it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the “I’m pregnant” talk. She’s going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married “for the baby”. She’s positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she’s gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I’m just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse “oops” on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can’t think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to “think about all this.” I meet her again. I say I don’t want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I’m laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a “negative test result for sperm” to show I’m sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I’m ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She’s all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly – or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. “Are you sure that this baby is mine?”

Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she’s really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she’s a slut. I’m just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities… blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I’m not really mad. I’m kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won’t shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, “You’re screwed”.

Her look doesn’t change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. “I am sterile”

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women’s logic. “You’re full of shit. You’re trapped and you know it.”

I hold up the letter and the test results. “Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine.”

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. “Bullshit, those are fakes.”

I was ready for that. “No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It’s a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine.”

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It’s a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret. “

I Fought the Law

One of the most obvious things that we learned about in CMPT 363, at least to me, was Fitt’s Law.

Basically to sum the whole law up, the bigger a button is, and the closer to your mouse it is, the easier it is for one to click one. I will give you a second to reread that since I know you are probably thinking, “… well no shit.”

A man named Paul Fitts published this law in 1954. And you know it must be serious if there is a formula for it:

T is the average time it takes to complete the movement.

And not only is there a formula for it, but this formula has a proof which can also be found on the Wikipedia page here.

If Mr. Fitts is able to come up with an obvious point and make it a law, and then have university students do studies on it, it makes me wonder what else I can call a law. How about the Drunk Law where the more alcohol you drink, the more likely you are to be drunk. Or what about the Full Hard Drive Law where the more information you save on your hard drive, the more likely it is to be full.

Oh the stupidest ways people become famous.